Dick or Treat
by Pas d'Autres
Summary: Levi hates kids. And Halloween. Levi fancies a green-eyed neighbour, who..happens to have not one but two kids. Dilemma of his life. ...Not really; he still prepares for Halloween just so they can come by his house. They always say a way to a man's heart is through his children.


AN: sticking with Hanji's non-binary gender so pronoun is they/them.

.-.

Levi is a man full of contradictions.

He works at an amusement park when the sight of children makes him cringe. He buys shit loads of candy even though he can't stand the smell sweet stuff. He's a patient man but today he's itching to get off work, which for the love of god puzzles him to no ends because he'd rather be here, where it's dark and alone and away from little devil spawns squealing "trick-or-treat!".

Halloween is the most ridiculous holiday in American. Why parents let their children running around in streets, asking for free candy (not even a drop of poop on this planet comes free), blows his mind. Does he look like a charity organization? Is he made of sugar and money? No, fuck off kiddies and go piss in a bush somewhere.

(Save for two particular rascals. A dark-haired girl and a mushroomed blondie. They can stay.)

Levi glances at the clock and scowls. It's been an hour yet the broken minute-hand's barely past the 10-mark point.

"We need to have that replaced," he mutters.

Hanji looks up from their lunch—god bless miracles on Moblit for stomaching whatever the hell they do with their food. "I see nothing wrong with it."

"Of course you don't, four-eyes. Time is a hard concept for you to grasp."

Hanji ignores him and goes back to their meal. After twenty years with the grump, it's easy to distinguish when Levi's truly in a pissy mood. "You'll make it shorty. They don't usually come out until nine or something."

Levi takes a minute to register their words and the underlying assumption it brings with. Hanji doesn't know anything, she shouldn't—unless someone played broken telephone with her and she's bringing it up in her not-so-discrete way to reel in some worthy scandals.

Fuck that.

"What did Erwin tell you?"

"Nothing," she brushes off, doing a rather shitty job at hiding that grin.

"Try again."

"He didn't tell me anything," Hanji repeats, leaving off with a tone that indicates there is more. There's always more. "Petra saw you at Costco's on the weekend—_Costco's_ Levi—and she mentioned it to Erwin and perhaps Moblit heard a few words and they naturally came to me…"

He's out of his seat before they even finish. Work's done as far as he's concerned and he's not sticking around for Hanji's prying 20-questions.

"Go get'im tiger!"

They get the finger for a response.

The amusement park's a little quiet today, since the kiddies are probably off preparing for their Trick-or-Treat run. Some were dumb enough to wear their disguises to the park, running around as witches and ghouls (and tripping on their trailing costumes, that Levi had fun with).

He catches sight of one boy, staring at him with utmost interest. He dawns a full Frankenstein suit with a chunky green mask on and all. Levi flashes a disdained smirk. "Happy Halloween ugly."

A gasp to his right, and he looks to see the park's mascot—Chippy the damn flying-squirrel—covering its always opened mouth in scandalized shock. Yes, Levi rolls his eyes, he called the little devil ugly and he wonders of the person's going to tattle-tale on him to Erwin. Park staff never really enjoys his aloof person.

But scolding can come later. There are more important things Levi needs to get to tonight and he doesn't have time for a squirrel.

He isn't aware how Chippy's stare stay on Levi's receding trail until he's out of sight.

.-.

It's half past six by the time Levi reaches his street and Hanji lied about little runts. They're already out crawling about and just the sight of them buggers makes him want to run them over with his scooter. It's a test of patience really, but he rules out going to jail for murder in favour of tonight's event.

"Levi! Levi!" He can hear the dumb bird screeching from the living room. A universal mystery as to its maintained residency here in Levi's home. It was a birthday present (or prank as he sees it) from Hanji, who said he needed some light in his dull world of doom and gloom and the Umbrella Cockatoo would "bring joy into his life".

If anything, all it brought were sleepless nights and pointless bickers with the damn bird.

Levi waves his hand at Creepy-Pasta, lays some veggies out for it, and heads to prepare for battle. It's going to be a long night and heavy artillery is needed for survival.

Two baskets lay out by the door. One contains much better sweets and chocolate while the other has assortment of questionable snacks. But fuck if he's going to spend more than fifty on candy if the dollar-store's having a big sale—probably leftovers from last Halloween.

Levi doesn't bother with outdoor décor. As long as the porch lights are on or whatever, there's no need to waste more efforts—as long as kids come, as long as the two particular runts visit, all is good. Two distinct runts and their very _very _handsome daddy. Too bad they still haven't shown up, with two hours having already passed and Levi's starting to run out of patience.

"Trick or treat!"

Did Levi mention how he's becoming to hate these three words?

"Well look at you," Levi mutters, trying his honest best to keep some spirit in. "All dressed up in your cute little...things."

The bravest of them all voices her thoughts. "Aren't you going to ask us?"

"Ask you what."

The little girl giggles. "Who we are!"

Didn't know that was part of the ritual. Resisting the urge to roll his eyes as the parents are there watching, Levi plays along. The quicker this finishes, the quicker they get the fuck out. "Gee, I wonder who you are."

"I'm Sleeping Beauty!"

"I'm Buzz Lightyear."

"I'm a cowboy—pew pew!"

And none of them with black hair nor blonde. Levi dumps a handful of Tootsies Rolls and moves to shut the door. "That's great, congratulations."

In the living room, the damn bird finally fluffs his feathers and learns three new words. "Trick-or-treat, trick-or-treat!"

"Can it marshmallow." Of course, the puffy bird doesn't listen. He really should just call it a night. Erwin calls for an earlier-than-the-sun meeting next morning and if he doesn't want that shitty feeling that hits you when you wake up in the morning with only five hours of sleep, then he'd better go the fuck to bed.

But Levi is a man of contradictions.

He waits (impatiently so) in his seat, laptop aside and book in hands. Only two pages have been flipped tonight and Levi's trying to understand why he's putting all this effort in for a man who he's not even sure if he lives in the neighbourhood or not. One who has not one, but two kids no less and could very much well be married.

But Levi's 90% sure he's not, given the lack of a wedding band on his finger. Not that...you know, Levi was zooming in on the guy's hand with his camera phone to get a closer look whenever they're at the park.

Creepy-Pasta gawks and flaps his wings when the doorbell chimes. "Trick-or-Treat, Treat-or-Trick!"

"I said can it," Levi bellows across the hallway as he opens the door, and freezes on the spot. One blonde, one dark-haired, one brunet trailing along—check, check, and most definitely check. Levi clears his throat straightens his back and tries—really tries to pull a decently pleasant smile.

The door opens to a shy little blondie with an ugly mushroom-cut, pulling the sweetest expression as he holds up his tote bag, while the little girl beside him bows at waist.

"Trick-or-Treat!"

Levi takes a leap and peers behind them, his heart bouncing off his chest the moment he sees a pair of reflective greens and that oh-so beloved smile.

He's standing on the sidewalk in casual jeans and red Converse, matching his dark red Avengers tee that really doesn't do a good job hiding his nicely-built form. Hands tucked in his hoodie pockets, giving that young boyish look but Levi knows a well grown man when he sees one. He looks like he's been yanked straight out of bed, or maybe it's just the autumn breeze that likes to play with his unruly but fluffy-soft hair.

Look at him—_fluffy_. The word doesn't mix well with Levi yet he's gone into bunny-land when it comes to the cute stranger Levi's whipped alright.

And as any whipped man would do, Levi goes through the trouble to prepare for Halloween and plans to impress Eren through his charms with kids.

"Hey runts," Splendid start. Maybe a little more planning should've been in place. "Uhh, happy Halloween."

They look up at him, waiting expectantly and it takes him a couple of seconds to remember what to say next. "What are..you supposed to be?"

Mushroom-head does a timid spin and raises his arms halfway to show off his dark spikes. "Toothless, from How to Train Your Dragon."

Levi stares blankly at the boy for five seconds straight. Toothless, right. Some tooth-fairy with spikes? A dragon trainer? Pokemon what?

"Oh. That's...lovely," his mouth forces out. "I love..Toothful."

Blondie looks at him with the most confused expression a five year-old can make, but still with wide eyes he nods excitedly. It's not five minutes in and he's already going downhill in this conversation. Forget talking to the brunet—going through his kids is a leap of its own.

The black-haired girl comes forth and saves his drowning soul. "I'm a wife of the yakuza head."

Kids these days sure are creative.

"Oh really—"

"Really."

His hands grip on the doorknob. The way the brat cut him off, with that pointed look in her eyes. Something about this child...

"Powerful little girl you are." He notices how she faintly flinches at the word 'little'.

"Yes, and I cut their heads if they annoy me too much."

"With what, that flimsy plastic sword of yours?"

The boy beside her lets out a scandalized gasp as she defensively reaches behind her back, face lightly flushed. "Eren made it for me."

Who the ever-loving fuck Eren is doesn't remain a mystery for long when a smooth light voice reaches Levi's ears.

"Good evening, hope they're not bothering you," he offers. Levi brushes off the flush across his cheeks as a result from the autumn chill. Before he can say anything, the little girl opens her big mouth and blurts out the words that make Levi holds his breath in horror.

"Eren, he said my sword is stupid."

"What the—when the hell did I say that brat?"

Amazing. You just called his kid a brat. Good job. Close the door, you're done for the night.

A sudden burst of laughter wakes Levi to a new light and it eases his nerves.

"It is a little bit crooked Mikasa, we'll fix it when we get home okay?" Eren turns to him apologetically. "She's very fond of her sword, sorry if she was being rude."

Levi quickly shakes his head quickly. "No no, it's a very nice sword. Best one I've ever seen. Long and..pointy, very sharp."

He'd like to slink back into the corners of his house and re-evaluate on his word choices in life, if it were not for Eren's easy-going smile.

"I tried my best."

"You did very well, on that..sword. I like it."

It amazes him how he's still not shut up and crapping out the dumbest things his poor confused mind conjures up. It leads to the most awkward silences in which Levi's sure even Eren can't recover from. Levi glances over to the little boy, still staring at him in a half-cautious half-idolized way. And at least one if his kids like him.

Eren lightly pats the kids on the back. "Let's get going then, we don't want to bother Mr. Levi anymore."

"Candy!" Mushroom-head reminds.

"Right." Levi quickly moves to grab the plastic pumpkin basket, one that's untouched for hours now and waiting for the right moment to be picked up.

"Kit-Kat and Fuzzy Peaches," the boy gawks at his newly earned prize, "you're the best."

Levi's chest swells up in something that's along the line of pride. It only elevates when Eren's smile widens. Then a sudden thought hits him. He never... "I never gave you my name."

He probably came off as more snubbed than intended, seeing how Eren instantly stills, face gone blank like a deer caught in headlights. He quickly ushers the kids back with eyes now on anywhere except Levi.

"It was..nice unm, seeing you." If the flush on his face doesn't ring a bell to Levi, the shaky panic in Eren's voice might. They rush off his porch without another word, Eren catching a stumble along the way, blessing Levi a quick view of his nicely-shaped buns.

They're very nice buns. And they're going to stay inside his mind for the rest of the night, when the porch lights can finally be off and leftover candies stored away. Was it worth it, he contemplates. Worth that dreadful trip to Costcos, spending hard-earned money of bags of cavity-waiting sweets, wasting his entire evening and sacrificing his brain cells to the screeching of hyperactive children.

He thinks back to that glorious one second of Eren's jean-hugging bottom and all the nice bright smiles directed at him. Asd the way he flustered up into a drunken bunny when caught for his careless slip of Levi's name.

Yeah. It was worth every pain.

.-.

He saw the brunet around the neighbourhood park a few times, always accompanied by his two lovely kids. Looking a bit young for a father but who was he to judge. He seemed to be doing it right, parenting and all that jazz, seeing how well-fed and happy those darling brats looked.

Especially when they pounced on him in a secret attack from behind, toppling them all over into a thick pile of leaves and scattering an annoying mess. In amidst the red, yellow, and browns of autumn, the brunet's bellowing laughter echoed the loudest and it left the biggest impact against Levi's chest. Levi couldn't help but to keep watching the way that young father lifted his little girl to eye-level and nuzzle nose to nose, forehead to forehead in that loving gentle way. Such a tender moment seen every day yet Levi's attention was captured immediately.

And now he has a name.

"Eren," he tries for the fifteenth time. It leaves a resonating sound across the room and bounces back into his ears. Short and simple, dare he add pretty into the mix—a nice ring to the name. It's like jingle bells in Halloween.

"Eren."

"Eren Eren!"

His honest mistake of repeating it too much, now that the damn bird has picked it up. It has a habit of choosing certain words, the picky thing. Hanji claims there's some weird-ass correlation between Creepy-Pasta's choice of words and Levi, but fuck if he wants any more association with that vile thing. As long as it doesn't keep at Eren's name.

Which seems like a difficult wish for the stars above to grant.

"Eren Eren!"

Levi just knows this is going to bite him in the ass soon enough.

Sooner than he'd like when, later that evening, Levi begrudgingly answers the door because someone thinks it's funny to ring it a couple of million times—answers and there stands Toothful, shivering violently in the cold, and the female head of the yakuza, braving a determined face with purpling lips. Eren nowhere in sight.

"Lost?"

Two meek nods confirms it.

"Get in," he mutters, stepping aside to let the two inside. At least they have the conscious decency to take off their shoes before scrambling into the living room where Creepy-Pasta welcomes them with flapping wings, its feathery crest spread eagle-wide, and screeches in eagerness the very name of their father.

"Why does it call for Eren?" The boy asks. He's notably standing far away from the birdcage as possible while the girl walks up and observes.

"It's a dumb bird," Levi walks over and flicks a finger against Creepy-Pasta's cage. "Hey, time to learn something new. What are your names?"

"Mom told us not tell strangers our names."

So the guy _is_ married after all, Levi notes with a heavy heart. "Did she also tell you not to go into a stranger's house?"

The boy flushes and his sister steps in front in defence, a defiant look in her eyes. "Mikasa and Armin."

"Charming," Levi mutters and turns to the cockatoo. "Hear that Creepy-Pasta? Mikasa and Armin. Now say it all you want."

"You named your pet Creepy-Pasta?" Armin gawks at Levi. Strangely, he takes slight offense to that question.

"He's not a pet. He's a _companion_. Now give me your phone number so I can call your parents and kick you out."

"Mom told us not to—"

"Don't give me that bullshit."

Armin gasps and Levi prepares for it.

"You said a bad word."

"It's an adult word. I'm an adult."

"You're pretty short for an adult," Mikasa finally speaks up and the little—(sigh) no. Levi will not give some nine year-old girl the satisfaction. This is when he's reminded just why he can't deal with kids—straightforward little bastards who can't keep their mouth shut and opinions to themselves.

"Short short!"

At least the runts are getting a swing out of this, hearing their muffled giggles at the back. A sneeze interrupts and Levi frowns, hands already reaching for a blanket. Fuck if he's going to be blamed for their sickness.

"Cold?"

"Armin's allergic to birds," Mikasa points out.

Well bend him over will they. The situation has just upped a notch and Levi prays it's not severe. Of all the children in this community, he just has to let in one that could potentially die from contact with his damn cockatoo. What kind of special human is allergic to avian creatures? They're fucking everywhere, annoyingly so, and it's not like the poor kid can avoid every one of them.

He throws the blanket on Armin anyway. "Here, protect yourself from stupid bird things. Now give me your number and I'll call your parents."

"Stupid is a bad word," Armin says with the cheekiest smile. He'll forgive him this time, now that Mikasa lightly reprimands her little brother with a pinch. She goes forth silently and punches in memorized numbers and gives back the phone, sharp eyes watching his every next move.

The first ring doesn't even end before the phone's picked up on the other end and to his dismay, Levi hears the voice of the wife.

"Hello?" It's a definition of feminine—warm and tender, a nice smooth sail down his ears then leaves a cold drop on his chest. It's like poisonous syrup down his stomach, now that he knows the existence of Eren's companion—wife, girlfriend, whatever. "Who is calling?"

"This is Levi—"

A quick shuffle from the other side and a different person comes on. "Hello? Mikasa? Armin?!"

Levi's chest instantly warms at Eren's frantic voice, sadistic as it sounds. Imagining it now—bright green eyes worried sick over his kids, a loving but forget father scrambling around the house like a mother hen. He almost forgets to respond and quickly recovers from his daze. "I have your kids here in my house."

Leave it to him to sound like a complete pedophile. "I mean uhh, it's me. The guy who said your sword is nice and pointy."

Fuck him silly. Since when did he become a bumbling idiot. "Just...Mikasa and Armin are here. Please come pick them up." Levi quickly adds, "and I didn't hurt them. Tell him Mikasa."

The girl has the right to roll her eyes, really. "He didn't touch us."

Levi presses 'end call' before Eren hears anymore. "Brat."

"Shorty."

"Eren Eren!"

Both heads turn to the corner, because Creepy-Pasta should not sound like he's in the middle of the room. Yet there it is, cocking its innocent little bobble of a head, standing on Armin's shoulders as if it's the most natural place in the world. Armin's tearing up, eyes and nose pink from exposure to 'bird things' and his three consecutive sneezes bring poundings to Levi's head.

"Why the f—hell is the creature out of its cage?"

"I—_achoo_—really like—_achoo_—birds," Armin manages out, eyes closed to prepare for another sneeze. Fucking cockatoo refuses to leave the boy's side, rubs against Armin's cheeks in fact, and the dumbass lets it, coddling it with strokes and pats on the head. Kid has a death wish or something?

Mikasa then casually adds, "the last time Armin was this close to a bird, he was sent to the hospital."

It never ends does it?

.-.

Hanji can't stop laughing. He wishes they would because all the kids are staring at them with horror-stricken eyes and let's not start with the parents. He'd try to brush away as well, but their death grip on his shoulder suggests it's a bad idea and all he wants now is for them to finish their fucking inspection around the park. He doesn't understand why this crazy needs to tag along.

"There's not a single element of humour in this. Stop terrifying the brats with your banshee cries."

"Oh I'm not laughing over that," Hanji giggles. "I'm trying to imagine what kind of expression you had and lemme tell you, it's freaking hilarious."

Levi makes a sound with his teeth. "Little moron thinks he could handle the bird, fucking pets it a couple of fucking times even when I clearly stated not to. Does he listen? Not a fucking chance. They never do, little Neanderthals."

Hanji shushes him—oh so now they have some humility. "This is a kids' park Levi, keep it down! I'm sure he meant no harm, cute boy just wanted to meet Creepy-Pasta."

"Yeah well you're not the poor man who's now scrubbing his carpet all day to get that disgusting pool of vomit out," Levi shudders at the thought. It was green, so so green, with hints of mustard-yellow chunks swimming about. Never again he swears.

By the time Eren reached Levi's house, Armin was already floozy-green with an allergic reaction, finally deciding to be smart and letting go of Creepy-Pasta. The young father apologized a number of times, to which Levi didn't know how to take it because one side he was fucking livid about that pool of vomit sitting considerably warm in the living warm, and the other, well it's Eren. And mushroom-head. Couldn't really stay mad for long.

He decided a sick-flustered Armin looked good in Eren's hold, his sleepy face tucked in the crook of Eren's slender neck and wrapped cozily in Levi's blanket. The boy could keep it, do whatever he wanted with it-just don't bring the filth back now it was splattered with a bit if stomach fluids.

Mikasa was strangely reluctant to leave, keeping grip on Levi's slacks before slowly letting go and returning to Eren's side. She gave a verbal okay alongside a nod, and Levi tried not to over-steam his brain deciphering what exactly she meant by that (children are as mysterious as they are wondrous). He again brushes the cute flush on Eren's face as something from the chill of the night. But you know, it could be something else.

Progress, let's call it progress.

Deep in his thoughts, Levi doesn't seem aware of his far-minded answer when Hanji asks him if lover-boy was worth all the trouble.

"Yeah."

"Do I get to meet him?"

He whips his head over, eyes staring blankly at her until he registers their question and pulls a scowl. "Fuck off."

Hanji already has that pout on as if they knew he would say that, but keeps quiet.

The lack of conversation eventually leads Levi's attention to his surroundings, where it should've have been in the first place. There's an unusually amount of kids today at the amusement park and his nerves are rattling continuously at the sight of the little devil spawns. He'd figure numbers would die down after the Halloween weekend but it's like they never run out of energy and decide this is the perfect place to waste it on.

When they catch sight of the park mascot, Levi falters in his steps, high alerts setting off in his head. There's a reason why Levi's not particularly fond of the flying-squirrel.

Squirrels don't fly. They fucking climb on trees and run around on ground chasing each other's tail, not disguise themselves as innocent little rodents eating nuts on a low tree branch and then execute a full-on attack on a poor naive little boy who just wanted to feed the damn squirrel. There were nightmares after; his eight year-old self couldn't sleep for days without seeing his fear reflecting off those pearl black eyes.

And now it's staring at him again, he swears they made eye-contact before the mascot turns back to the children vying for his attention. Something about Chippy, he relays in his head as they near the mascot.

"So who's Eren?"

Levi freezes, his heart jumping against his chest at the name's mention. Eyes the size of golf-balls look to Hanji in horror-stricken confusion. If he's paying attention, he'd notice Chippy turning its head sharply towards them.

How in the seven worlds...

"Creepy-Pasta kept saying the name," Hanji grins, knowing they hit jackpot. "You know how it only repeats things or people you take interest in."

Of course Hanji had a purpose for "dropping by" over the weekend.

"No one."

"I know a puppy in love when I see one."

"I know an ugly llama when I see one." And he's not in love, Christ..

Hanji spins around excitedly. "Where where?"

Levi grabs them by their ponytail and pulls them down to his level. "Right here."

They don't take offence, instead pulls him in a squeezing embrace, rubbing their cheek against Levi's. "Awww look at you! Craving for some human interaction."

His immediate reflex lets him escape Hanji's torment, allowing a good two meters from the crazy old bat. He's never one for close proximities and affectionate displays. Levi gets to the last of straightening the hems of his shirt when a shadow looms over.

Gray eyes peer up to meet two large black orbs staring soullessly into his, that ominous smile fixated below. For minute, Levi stands still, blood running cold against his skin as Chippy towers over him—is he leaning down? Fuck get away, he can hear the slow breathing of this freak animal and it's unappealing but he's just standing there, legs refusing to move.

He hisses in the lowest tone possible, "what the fuck are you doing."

Not prepared for the sudden spread of its arms, Levi flinches back with sharp caution in his eyes, eyebrows scrunched in pure concentration as he scans up and down for any suspicious movement. His body's already on defense mode so if the damn squirrel decides to try any funny shit, he'll be kicking the dirty fur off the rodent, children present or not.

And he'd very much like to if it were not for the tight grip the mascot's arms has on him. The 'wings' connecting its paws and hind-legs now appear like a blanket rolled around Levi and it's suffocating when tucked under that bigass furry head.

"Get..the fuck off," he strains the words out, but the squirrel doesn't listen. Instead it pushes Levi deeper into its embrace, almost as if it's nuzzling the man like a teddy bear and it's fucking disgraceful, being the center of attention in amidst a kid's park. So he squirms and struggles, letting out growls even to show how unpleasant this really is and how the fucking mascot should back the fuck off but it doesn't budge.

It sighs.

A rather boyish, pleasant sigh muffled through thick fur and wear. Levi's ears catch that one split second of a sigh and strangely, he stops his movement.

No idea why, but he gives up.

And let the damn flying-squirrel get its fix of the day.

.-.

He had enough bizarre events for the day.

Granted Hanji is bizarre defined and he still remains miraculously sane every day; but it's not every day when a giant animal mascot comes hurdling at you with the most smothering (warm and fuzzy) death-hug, demonstrating what affection means to children. Now he's some precious park idol, one who kids go starry-eyes over and attempts to hug him as well. Save him from the misery.

He's all the more ready to land home and sleep.

Except, there's a suspicious man in hoodie sitting shoulders hunched over on his porch. Thick hazel bangs flutter out as the dark-blue hood slides out, green eyes peering out when Levi's scooter reach his driveway. He doesn't ignore that nice handsome smile appearing once Eren sees Levi.

"Can I help you?"

Eren averts his gaze to the ground, his earlier confidence now lost somewhere in Levi's question. "I...we'd like to invite you over for dinner. As thanks, for taking care of Mikasa and Armin."

Levi shrugs. "It's nothing. No need to go that far."

"No but really!" The brunet takes a step forth. "Who knows what could've happened."

Yeah, thank god Armin didn't die from his exposure to Creepy-Pasta.

"And Armin wants to apologize." Right, the image of that sickly-yellow stain pops up in Levi's head. "My mom would kill me if I come home saying you're not coming."

Mom.

Oh kay.

What.

Levi slowly slants his eyes towards Eren in question. "Your mother."

Eren nods enthusiastically, as if thinking his mother will be the key factor in convincing Levi. "Yeah, the one who answered the phone first, remember? She said you were graciously polite and wants to 'meet the man who saved her two little blossoms', quote-unquote."

In all his years of splashing insults at his Cockatoo, he'd never thought he'd ever feel guilty. In that very moment, Levi admits this self-doubt of intelligence compared to the bird because never once, has he wondered why Mikasa and Armin calls Eren by his name and not 'dad' as supposed to. It never occurred to him how the brats' hair colours are contrastingly different from Eren's brown mess.

Eren—not father, but a devoted big brother to those two twerps.

And single. And ready to mingle. Ready for the taking.

Levi spends some moment registering these facts, connecting the dots, and laying out the image in his mind. And perhaps he took too long, as Eren starts to have his little twitches and fidgets. A little confidence losing, nerves shedding, doubts sprouting. So before he loses it all, the young man steps out with a wavering smile and a casual 'hold on, I'll be back'.

'Back' means later that evening, when Levi's still apprehensively waiting for Eren even though it's been a few hours already and there's no sign of the brunet. There's no point in shutting up Creepy-Pasta or trying to teach him other words to repeat—seems like 'Eren' is his favourite. At least the two has some common interests.

He really should be ashamed in how quickly he dashed for the door when it rings, heart pounding already to see Eren. His small smile freezes when instead of a handsome figure in jeans and a dark-blue hoodie, he's faced with a flying-squirrel.

Large round eyes, dark and empty as always.

Except this time, somehow, Levi sees more in those plastic orbs. And like Big Bang happening right inside his own little universe, he realises just who the person behind the furry costume is.

"Trick or Treat?" That raspy young voice muffled inside confirms it and Levi doesn't hesitant.

"Treat."

Chippy takes its damn time to pull off the head part of its costume and Levi grimaces at the sheen of sweat across Eren's forward, a few strands of hair sticking to his skin. This time, he doesn't brush off that full-on blush on Eren's face as a mere autumn chill thing. He stays still as the young man slowly leans over, even closes in a bit on his own account even though Eren's sweaty musk is exuding from the costume. And he closes his eyes when the younger plants a chaste kiss on his cheek.

Eren doesn't pull away. Instead, "trick or treat?"

Levi swallows, nothing down his throat. "...Treat."

And a kiss on his other cheek.

"Trick or treat."

"Treat."

A lingering kiss on his forehead, soft lips never leaving completely as they slide down the bridge of Levi's nose, and stop right at his upper lip.

It's a dreamlike moment, Eren's velvety whisper floating around. "Treat?"

Levi knows what comes next. "You're pushing it kid."

Yet Eren still lunges forth, capturing the top of Levi's mouth, nibbling softly before leaning in for more.

Levi's one for humility. Doesn't care much for appearances but you know, at least have some modesty and leave the displays of affection indoors right? They're still outside his porch, with him leaning disgustingly close against Eren's fatass costume. And for fuck's sake, he only learned of Eren's name just a few nights again and they haven't gone on one official date yet.

But Levi's a man of contradictions. So he snuggles further into the synthetic fur.

He doesn't even get mad when he hears Creepy-Pasta go off.

"Eren Eren!"

.-.

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